We realize that back in 1999, if you didn’t shop at American Eagle you were out of the game. It was impossible to be cool and not have a navy blue eagle adorning something on your clothing. That was fun for a while but it seems that the good ole boys from our area didn’t get the memo – “You don’t need to wear that stuff anymore.”

It’s cute and we have some of the most handsome men in the country from Mass but really, you guys can wear more than button down collared shirts and khaki pants or loose jeans you know. There are all types of clothing available and all types of stores. You have the option of not shopping solely at Gap and Old Navy or American Eagle.

There’s a big world out there fellas. I will love you whether you break the uniform code or not, but I felt like someone should say something.

Photo credit: Unknown

Subjects: Some of the best stock the South Shore ever raised. I love you!

The typical, and maybe this is a stereotype but it seems to be true from my experiences, stand-up comedian is a tortured soul in a number of ways. He or she probably has a complex about being “different” and feeling left out. They most likely, have an extreme personality and are often times heavy to moderate drug users. There seems to be an inferiority complex trend going on too. They can be self-depricating and get a lot of laughs out of that, but the laughs become a type of drug in themselves. God bless them, they’re hilarious!

Then, there’s the Improv Comedian. He or she may also feel like they are outsiders for the most part. They are sometimes pretty dorky and quick witted and they use this for their craft. They are less tortured than the stand-up and play a different comedic game. In their line of work, they have to keep everything up and on the positive side, because if they don’t, they’ll lose the momentum and the skit will fail. Good improvers seem to be more positive in general. Drugs can drag down your impulses and make you slower. That’s a disastrous side effect for the improver. They have to be quick and on “the ball” in order to be successful at their art form. God bless them. It’s a hard thing to do!

And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you.

So, I’m driving by myself. I’m actually listening to some meditation audiobook I had just got. I slow down to a stop for the traffic. I see that the woman behind me stopped fine. Then I hear tons of beeping. “Honking,” as they say here. It’s not to unusual in L.A. so I didn’t think much about it until I notice that a big white thing seems to be getting bigger and bigger in my side view mirror. (This all happened within seconds) All of the sudden, I hear a really loud crash noise and then very low “sprinkle” sounds. I’m aware now that I am seeing individual shards of glass flying in the air in slow motion. I zoom in and focus on one of those peieces and see it land in the passenger front seat. At this point, I recognize how strange it is to be able to focus in slow motion on such an event. I become pretty certain that this sort of thing only happens at significant moments in one’s life and start to seriously wonder if I’m dead or about to die.

Suddenly, I find myself on the side of the highway and that traffic has begun to start moving again. Cars start driving past me and I see people staring at me. I think, “They can see me. I’m probably alive still.” I wonder if I’m going to get hit again. Now I’m a parked car in the middle of a busy L.A. highway when traffic is moving. Not good. I sit in the car and look down at myself. My sunglasses that I had been wearing, are no where to be found. I’m still snapped in with my seat belt. I am glistening with glass covering my chest and arms and face. I have blood all over me. I decide to undo my seatbelt and get out of the car. The door won’t open. I have no idea why, until I focus and realize the entire thing is smashed in half-way onto my seat. The window is free of any glass now so I quickly throw myself out of it and run over to the side of the highway. I can’t hear anything. I have no idea what happened. I’m dripping 3 inch pieces of glass out of my pant legs. My bra is carrying a half pound of fresh safety glass and all I can think is that I need to take my clothes off.

I don’t end up taking my clothes off until later in between a cop car’s doors, still not the best place, but at least it wasn’t blatant on the side of the 101. The rest of the story is a bunch of nonsense with Paramedics and hurried police men and the two jerks that hit me. The tow-truck driver, Enrique,  was nice.

The question is this: Why did time slow down during that traumatic period? I’m quite sure that for everyone else on Earth, time went along as usual. It slowed down for me because of some brain function. I did suffer whiplash and cuts and was in shock for a couple of days, so was it a protective shield my body put up for me? Did my brain have an overload of stimulae to deal with and so it temporarily malfunctioned? I didn’t feel any pain from the cuts or my spine and neck until about 20 hour after the crash. Maybe the shock that set it, shocked my synapses. It was like the Matrix with slow motion movements and sound effects. Maybe when your spirit is unsure if you’re body is going to be usable, it steps out for a bit, so as to make the break easier.

What do you guys think? Ever have a similar experience? Do tell!

World War II: The War by Ken Burns – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_War_(documentary)

Comic Book Artist: Crumb about the twisted, yet renowned artist Robert Crumb – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumb_(film)

Alternative Health: The Beautiful Truth – http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/beautiful_truth/

Alternative HealthCare: The Business of Being Born – http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

New Age Thinking: The Secret – http://www.thesecret.tv/

Social and Political: Jesus Camp – http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com/

Social and Cultural: Cocaine Cowboys – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocaine_Cowboys

Social and Political: Bowling for Columbine – http://www.bowlingforcolumbine.com/

9/11 Conspiracy: Loose Change – http://www.loosechange911.com/

- Most, if not all of these, should be pronounced with a Boston accent for the full effect! -

• Quit bein’ smart!
• I am so sick and tired of … !
• I have had it up to here (motion to some height) with you!
• Don’t even go there!
• Oh, don’t you even.. !
• Oh, no Sir!
• Quit joshin’ around!
• Oh, isn’t that cunnin’!

There are also the hideous abbreviations people like to put on certain products and locations. For example:

• I’m gonna go run and pick somethin’ up at Cumby’s.
• Do you want to grab something at Micky-D’s?
• thing-a-ma-jig/bob

I know I’m missing a lot of them. Help me out kids.

As a woman historically with very long hair, I am going with CONDITIONER all the way to the flippin’ bank. It’s no joke. Shiz is the bomb dig.

Shampoo is drying and just plain lame all around.

Dare to disagree?

I’m going to ahead and say that my top favorite TV shows of the 90′s were:

My So Called Life – “One season of irresistibly amazing, true to life, teenage drama. A total masterpiece!! Two pubescent erections up!” – Oh Midge

Dawson’s Creek – “A program to model one’s life after.” – O.M.

The X-Files - “Changed my life for the better and introduced me to my best friend.” – Midge a.k.a “Scully”

Seinfeld - “What’s their to say? It’s a family pleaser.” – lil midge

Rugrats and Doug - ” So awesome!! I still watch them!” – Developmentally Retarded 24 year old

I didn’t put those puppies in any certain order because I’m depending on my faithful readers to do that job. Do it!

Also add if you dare to believe my list of five needs corrections…

He’ll ask me, “So do you want Horror? Drama? Comedy? Foreign, what?”

Every night, I think to myself, “I want Pans Labyrinth”. “Something like Pans Labyrinth.”

I love pretty much anything Guillermo Del Toro does. He’s just absolutely awesome and the movie is perfect for a number of reasons. If you haven’t seen it, you need to.

If you love it, see “The Orphanage” afterwards. It’s also really great and scary.

I think Hockey playing guys are pretty damn hot. All the pushing each other and aggression tied with the sensitivity of gliding on ice plays nicely to create a pretty perfect idea of the man.

Baseball players are really hot too. It’s really as simple as that.

I think in the end my list for guy sports is as follows:   Baseball, Soccer, Hockey

Now for women, what’s the hottest sports to play?

I’m not much of a sport player but I have a big crush on dancers. Graceful and determined and really beautiful bodies. Swimmers can be a little top heavy and soft ball players are kind of questionable all around. Gymnasts seem a little too feeble with their skinny arms and dwarfish-ness.

I would like some input on the subject. Please let me know what you think.