South Shore Dress Code

May 18, 2009 at 4:37 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 3 Comments

So Evan was out here in LA last week and when we were hanging out, he introduced me to his extra hip friend named Louise. So Louise is from Marshfield and I’m from Pembroke so we had a lot to talk about. One thing we decided needed some attention was the South Shore dress code that evidently, through Mr. Webber’s outfit, is still in effect.

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We realize that back in 1999, if you didn’t shop at American Eagle you were out of the game. It was impossible to be cool and not have a navy blue eagle adorning something on your clothing. That was fun for a while but it seems that the good ole boys from our area didn’t get the memo – “You don’t need to wear that stuff anymore.”

It’s cute and we have some of the most handsome men in the country from Mass but really, you guys can wear more than button down collared shirts and khaki pants or loose jeans you know. There are all types of clothing available and all types of stores. You have the option of not shopping solely at Gap and Old Navy or American Eagle.

There’s a big world out there fellas. I will love you whether you break the uniform code or not, but I felt like someone should say something.

Photo credit: Unknown

Subjects: Some of the best stock the South Shore ever raised. I love you!

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Coffee and Chocolate

May 7, 2009 at 12:28 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

I love love love chocolate and good strong coffee. Maybe it’s a woman thing, maybe it’s just a smart people thing. I don’t know. They are some of the best things we have on the planet.

chocolate Coffee cup

Improv Comedians vs. Stand Up Comedians

April 25, 2009 at 2:20 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

I have been taking an Improv class at Second City Training Center in Los Angeles. It’s been really awesome and I’ve learned a lot about the comedy world. For one, the difference between Improvisation Comedians and Stand-Up Comedians. They are two breeds, indeed.

The typical, and maybe this is a stereotype but it seems to be true from my experiences, stand-up comedian is a tortured soul in a number of ways. He or she probably has a complex about being “different” and feeling left out. They most likely, have an extreme personality and are often times heavy to moderate drug users. There seems to be an inferiority complex trend going on too. They can be self-depricating and get a lot of laughs out of that, but the laughs become a type of drug in themselves. God bless them, they’re hilarious!

Then, there’s the Improv Comedian. He or she may also feel like they are outsiders for the most part. They are sometimes pretty dorky and quick witted and they use this for their craft. They are less tortured than the stand-up and play a different comedic game. In their line of work, they have to keep everything up and on the positive side, because if they don’t, they’ll lose the momentum and the skit will fail. Good improvers seem to be more positive in general. Drugs can drag down your impulses and make you slower. That’s a disastrous side effect for the improver. They have to be quick and on “the ball” in order to be successful at their art form. God bless them. It’s a hard thing to do!

And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you.masks

What does it mean when everything happens in slow motion?

April 15, 2009 at 7:53 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

So some of you may know already, but two weeks ago today, I was driving into Hollywood on the 101 Freeway in Los Angeles, and plum near got squashed by a truck. Indeed my friends, I was stopped in traffic on the highway and some lame dude in a SUV didn’t brake quick enough and ended up slamming into a big white pick-up truck that slamed into my stopped car directly on the drivers side. From the force of impact, and of course the centripetal force divided by the velocity/viscosity, the truck pushed my car all the way to the guard wall. My driver’s side door got smashed all the way in and all the windows smashed too. That’s when everything went into slow motion.

So, I’m driving by myself. I’m actually listening to some meditation audiobook I had just got. I slow down to a stop for the traffic. I see that the woman behind me stopped fine. Then I hear tons of beeping. “Honking,” as they say here. It’s not to unusual in L.A. so I didn’t think much about it until I notice that a big white thing seems to be getting bigger and bigger in my side view mirror. (This all happened within seconds) All of the sudden, I hear a really loud crash noise and then very low “sprinkle” sounds. I’m aware now that I am seeing individual shards of glass flying in the air in slow motion. I zoom in and focus on one of those peieces and see it land in the passenger front seat. At this point, I recognize how strange it is to be able to focus in slow motion on such an event. I become pretty certain that this sort of thing only happens at significant moments in one’s life and start to seriously wonder if I’m dead or about to die.

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Suddenly, I find myself on the side of the highway and that traffic has begun to start moving again. Cars start driving past me and I see people staring at me. I think, “They can see me. I’m probably alive still.” I wonder if I’m going to get hit again. Now I’m a parked car in the middle of a busy L.A. highway when traffic is moving. Not good. I sit in the car and look down at myself. My sunglasses that I had been wearing, are no where to be found. I’m still snapped in with my seat belt. I am glistening with glass covering my chest and arms and face. I have blood all over me. I decide to undo my seatbelt and get out of the car. The door won’t open. I have no idea why, until I focus and realize the entire thing is smashed in half-way onto my seat. The window is free of any glass now so I quickly throw myself out of it and run over to the side of the highway. I can’t hear anything. I have no idea what happened. I’m dripping 3 inch pieces of glass out of my pant legs. My bra is carrying a half pound of fresh safety glass and all I can think is that I need to take my clothes off.

I don’t end up taking my clothes off until later in between a cop car’s doors, still not the best place, but at least it wasn’t blatant on the side of the 101. The rest of the story is a bunch of nonsense with Paramedics and hurried police men and the two jerks that hit me. The tow-truck driver, Enrique,  was nice.

The question is this: Why did time slow down during that traumatic period? I’m quite sure that for everyone else on Earth, time went along as usual. It slowed down for me because of some brain function. I did suffer whiplash and cuts and was in shock for a couple of days, so was it a protective shield my body put up for me? Did my brain have an overload of stimulae to deal with and so it temporarily malfunctioned? I didn’t feel any pain from the cuts or my spine and neck until about 20 hour after the crash. Maybe the shock that set it, shocked my synapses. It was like the Matrix with slow motion movements and sound effects. Maybe when your spirit is unsure if you’re body is going to be usable, it steps out for a bit, so as to make the break easier.

What do you guys think? Ever have a similar experience? Do tell!

Watch Documentaries and Stop Being Dumb

March 30, 2009 at 10:05 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Here are a list of really interesting and entertaining documentaries. I have seen all of the ones I list, so I’m giving you a real opinion by a person with a pretty low tolerance for bullshit.

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World War II: The War by Ken Burns – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_War_(documentary)

Comic Book Artist: Crumb about the twisted, yet renowned artist Robert Crumb – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumb_(film)

Alternative Health: The Beautiful Truthhttp://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/beautiful_truth/

Alternative HealthCare: The Business of Being Bornhttp://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

New Age Thinking: The Secrethttp://www.thesecret.tv/

Social and Political: Jesus Camphttp://www.jesuscampthemovie.com/

Social and Cultural: Cocaine Cowboyshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocaine_Cowboys

Social and Political: Bowling for Columbinehttp://www.bowlingforcolumbine.com/

9/11 Conspiracy: Loose Changehttp://www.loosechange911.com/

Don’t Even Go There!

March 30, 2009 at 9:27 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Here are some phrases I have despised since childhood because either they don’t make any real sense or because the people who say them are usually painfully gross is some way or another. Please enjoy their cringe factor and feel free to add some of your own in comments.

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– Most, if not all of these, should be pronounced with a Boston accent for the full effect! –

  • Quit bein’ smart!
  • I am so sick and tired of … !
  • I have had it up to here (motion to some height) with you!
  • Don’t even go there!
  • Oh, don’t you even.. !
  • Oh, no Sir!
  • Quit joshin’ around!
  • Oh, isn’t that cunnin’!

There are also the hideous abbreviations people like to put on certain products and locations. For example:

  • I’m gonna go run and pick somethin’ up at Cumby’s.
  • Do you want to grab something at Micky-D’s?
  • thing-a-ma-jig/bob

I know I’m missing a lot of them. Help me out kids.

Shampoo vs. Conditioner – The Winner Takes All

March 26, 2009 at 1:04 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

What is better: Shampoo vs. Conditioner?

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As a woman historically with very long hair, I am going with CONDITIONER all the way to the flippin’ bank. It’s no joke. Shiz is the bomb dig.

Shampoo is drying and just plain lame all around.

Dare to disagree?

Best 90’s TV

March 26, 2009 at 12:55 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

K, so I have been asked to give my humble, yet internationally recognized and respected, opinion on what TV shows were awesome in the 1990’s. While researching the subject, I came up with five (5) programs I deem to be the most influential in my life during that wondrous decade. (This is MY opinion, after all).

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I’m going to ahead and say that my top favorite TV shows of the 90’s were:

My So Called Life – “One season of irresistibly amazing, true to life, teenage drama. A total masterpiece!! Two pubescent erections up!” – Oh Midge

Dawson’s Creek – “A program to model one’s life after.” – O.M.

The X-Files – “Changed my life for the better and introduced me to my best friend.” – Midge a.k.a “Scully”

Seinfeld – “What’s their to say? It’s a family pleaser.” – lil midge

Rugrats and Doug – ” So awesome!! I still watch them!” – Developmentally Retarded 24 year old


I didn’t put those puppies in any certain order because I’m depending on my faithful readers to do that job. Do it!

Also add if you dare to believe my list of five needs corrections…



Pans Labyrinth Maze of Longing

March 16, 2009 at 10:57 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

My boyfriend and I are huge movie watchers. Almost every night we’re home, we watch a movie before bed. Recently, it’s been a little tough to figure out what we’d like to see. We have Netflix which is awesome because now you can just plug your  comp to your tv and watch a ton of movies instantly with reasonably good resolution. Even with a bunch of good titles to choose from, I still struggle with what to watch.

He’ll ask me, “So do you want Horror? Drama? Comedy? Foreign, what?”

Every night, I think to myself, “I want Pans Labyrinth”. “Something like Pans Labyrinth.”pan-2

I love pretty much anything Guillermo Del Toro does. He’s just absolutely awesome and the movie is perfect for a number of reasons. If you haven’t seen it, you need to.

If you love it, see “The Orphanage” afterwards. It’s also really great and scary.

What are the hottest sports respectably for guys and gals?

March 16, 2009 at 10:44 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

That’s my question!

I think Hockey playing guys are pretty damn hot. All the pushing each other and aggression tied with the sensitivity of gliding on ice plays nicely to create a pretty perfect idea of the man.

Baseball players are really hot too. It’s really as simple as that.594744

I think in the end my list for guy sports is as follows:   Baseball, Soccer, Hockey

Now for women, what’s the hottest sports to play?

I’m not much of a sport player but I have a big crush on dancers. Graceful and determined and really beautiful bodies. Swimmers can be a little top heavy and soft ball players are kind of questionable all around. Gymnasts seem a little too feeble with their skinny arms and dwarfish-ness.

I would like some input on the subject. Please let me know what you think.

Congrats Grad!

March 5, 2009 at 3:40 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Job hunting can ruin your life. First of all, in this economy, it’s almost impossible to find a job. period

Then, when you do find a job and the people are interested, you’re lucky if you have a shred of dignity left in yourself after the interview. You may have just sold your soul for $10 an hour at a scummy coffee joint in the bad part of town. Really?

You start wondering if you did something to deserve this fate…. Did you become a crack addict at age 14 and drop out of high school and lived under a bridge in East Boston for a bit? NO

Did you maybe go to college and then get knocked up and settle down in Jersey with some fat kid you wished didn’t exist? NO

OK, so then why am I searching Craigslist ads and getting excited when I see a job offering more than 8 bucks an hour? WHY?

You realize, after way too long of a while, that it’s actually not you. It’s everything else other than you. You are free to still think highly of yourself and just deal with a bad financial situation for about a year, according to Obama.

Congrats Grad!!!

Una Fork-e-tata

March 5, 2009 at 3:32 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

So what the hell is the deal with department stores and just any big store these days? Seriously!!?

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I was in Target today and it was like all I could do to not kill somebody! They must be cutting back on their staff, along with Best Buy. Both of these places were like little slices of hell. It was plum near impossible to find someone to help you at either place. Then when you did find someone and ask them your simple question, you were lucky if they had any clue what the hell you were talking about. I was passed off to three different people today at Best Buy, all of whom had no idea what they were talking about and when they finally did figure something out, the product wasn’t even available. Seriously? Can I slaughter you now?

LA vs. NY

March 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Some of you know that I recently moved from New York City to Los Angeles. I drove cross country with two kittens, a beta fish, and a boyfriend in my 4-door sedan. It was a glorious trip. We had tons of fun and I think I put on at least 5 pounds in Hot Fries and drinks with way too much added sugar.

We decided to move from NY to LA for a number of reasons. One, we both had always wanted to live in LA at some point and after years of freezing our asses off in dirty and congested NY, we decided we might as well make the change sooner  rather than later. We also like the energy more in NY. That’s right, “the energy”. (I was like this even before I moved to California). NY is so rushed and frantic and stressed out. LA is much slower and simpler and more zen.

Financially, LA is cheaper and greener and you get the ocean and the moutains, a nice place with a bedroom,  a full kitchen, a true to life living room and dining room, a yard with a fence and the mountains right around you, for $2,200 less than the hole you lived in on 1st and 1st with two people you couldn’t stand and some cockroaches. Gross!

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I went back to NY about a month ago for a wedding and was so completely horrified that i had lived there for so long. Yes, my college was there and I am really glad I lived in NY, but goodness gracious! I can’t believe I survived that long! My boyfriend, Jeff, lived there for 15 years! He did the time and he’s glad he did too, but now it’s nice to be in a place a little less chaotic.

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People seem to be more friendly here and they wear more colors. The bagels and the coffee are not as good and I still haven’t found a good pizza place, but I really only like Papa Gino’s anyway. Maybe I should try to get them to start some locations out here…

It’s true, I think, that education is valued less on this coast. On the East Coast there all these colleges and people are proud of having gone to school. Here, school never really comes up. Experience and who you know, are more valued here, and that can kind of blow when you just moved here and you don’t know many people. Unemployment just went up in California. Now, 1 out of 10 people in the state is unemployed. That’s pretty damn high!

I was watching Forensic Files last night though, and they said that 60% of people in the Philippines were unemployed at some point in the 90’s. That’s really really high, so I should just get over it.  I should be happy I can go down to Yum Yum Donuts and get better donuts than the “It’s Time To Make The Donuts” guy ever dreamed of.

Be at peace, and put all anxious thoughts and worries aside.

I would love to hear what you all think about each city. Which one you prefer, etc.

Ghost Hunting Shows

February 19, 2009 at 2:24 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

So, I am totally all about ghosts and the paranormal. I have been for years. I listen to Coast to Coast AM, know all about EVP devices, and have had my share of paranormal, out of this world, experiences. Of course, when I started seeing all the ghost shows on T.V. I was beside myself with joy. Utter joy, I tell you. The sad thing though, with all my enthusiasm and excitement, I am let down time and time again.

Ghost Hunters is the worst.taps1

First of all, they are just lame in general. They call themselves T.A.P.S., as if that’s gonna make them cool, and they have gossipy clique fights the entire show. Second, no ghost or paranormal stuff EVER happens. I have seen enough episodes to know that they actually NEVER have anything paranormal happen. The whole show is a bunch of geeks bickering with each other and trying to act macho. It’s like torture to watch, but you have to watch it. You just hope, every time, that in this episode, something awesome will happen.It never does.

There’s another one called, Paranormal State on A&E. I love this show and I have a crush on the main guy Ryan. It’s kind of a fake crush, kind of completely serious. They have psychics come on and often times have unexplained paranormal stuff that really does happen. The two best parts, aside from the ghost stuff, are two people they have on the show. The first is Chip Coffey. He’s their favorite psychic and he’s so wonderfully gay and glorious. The second is one of the team member’s named Elfie. She is the Pagan Withcraft Warrior. She’s great because although she is a native English speaker ( to the best of my knowledge), she cannot for the life of her speak in a coherent way. They actually give her subtitles whenever she mumbles something. Paranormal State is on every Monday night at 10 pm and they actually show 4 episodes in a row. It’s like a celebration.

Let’s be serious though for a second. All these shows try to prove or disprove the existence of the paranormal in a given situation. Wouldn’t it be on the news if they actually did find a ghost and could prove it? Seriously? Fox News would love to rheem a ghost’s ass on tv.

Here’s a scary youtube video of an alleged ghost hitch-hiker:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08hk-jARBso

Infuriating Devil People and Heaping Spoons of Scheiße

February 12, 2009 at 7:36 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

I recently wrote about the lies the media “reports” to it’s viewers. Since then, I’ve been thinking about what they do aside from spreading lies. What kinds of stories are listed as “Breaking News”?

How completely insane and absolutely ridiculous is 99% of the news on t.v. and in papers these days? We have a war going on and an economy so low it’s mind blowing, and all the so called reporters can talk about is how many babies some freak had and whether Google Earth can help you find buried treasure. I’ll admit, the latter subject is quite interesting, but seriously? Is that “breaking news”? Shoot me!

What other hot topics have we had this month?

Oh my goodness! Michael Phelps was caught smoking from a “cannabis pipe”? Yes! He was. Which quite simply means that marijuana is not a big deal and that the way our country judges marijuana is wrong! If a guy can smoke pot ( an illegal drug) like he means it and then go win 14 Olympic gold medals, then obviously we have a problem on our hands. Either the Olympics are wicked easy to win, or Phelps smokes superman spud. Yes. Superman Spud.

I doubt the guy could be a drunk and get that done. How backwards is that?! This shouldn’t be some shame on you story, this should be a big wake-up call to all the people in our country who still believe marijuana is an evil, debilitating, drug. I’m not saying that people should spend the day smoking weed at twenty minute intervals. I’m saying that it shouldn’t be against the law to use marijuana in a responsible manner. Smoking a joint with your friends is perfectly responsible behavior and anyone who disagrees has been brainwashed with fear.

Sadly, fear is pretty much all we get from the news today. It’s very hard to find an article written in an objective tone. They almost all direct the audience into a certain conclusion. Instead of any real truth or information, we get blasted with bullshit non-stop.

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The most disgusting and offensive part of the news today though are those sick and twisted Soldiers of Satan, like Nancy Grace. They put on an heir of concern and then just feed their audience gruesome, gratuitous details of murder and shit. They manipulate their viewers and then force in the heaping spoon-fulls of paranoia. Infuriating!! The woman has no soul. If there is a hell, she will be there!

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