Nerd Race

March 16, 2008 at 3:09 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

OhMidge, could SuperMan outrun The Flash?

-Comic Book Fan, Florida



Dear Comic Book Fan,

The Flash VS Superman question presents an interesting dilemma, although realistically the answer is that Flash is the fastest. Technically speaking, the Flash can break the speed of light, and when he does so develops an aura to keep a sonic-boom from occurring. Superman is usually portrayed as being limited to the speed of sound, but even if Superman could develop light speed, he would not be able to suppress the environmental impact. Over the years and rebooting of both characters, their strengths and weaknesses have ebbed and flowed according to sales and trends in popular culture. They have raced in the comics at least six times, beginning in 1967, but every outcome has either been a tie, or the Flash has won by a small margin. There is a reprint of those issues, which can be found here:

Of more interest is how this question makes me consider the value of esoteric information in our internet savvy age. Prior to the internet, this type of trivia was characteristically limited to a specific type of person, a sort of archivist who had usually spent much of his (or occasionally her) life questioning such matters and then researching them by either seeking out the individual comic books, or discussing them in depth with peers. As a result it created a rarity for this type of information to those who either “did the footwork,” or “had the connections.” Ironically, the type of people who compiled this esoteric information often conceived themselves as feeling empowered through this limitation. The access they had achieved, led to a type of super-power, which kept them above “mere mortal” status, even if they never had real girlfriends or social lives. Of course all of this eventually led to the image of the clichéd power-tripping nerd as portrayed by the Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons.

So the real question is, where does it end? What happens once this type of information is widely available. Most people I know have just dug themselves in deeper, finding even more obscure pockets of esoterica to shield themselves within- areas which only the “chosen few” will bother to Google. Now the club is not limited to “who knows the answer“ so much as “who bothers to ask the question?” The real question in the end is, Who Watches the Watchmen?


Chasin’ the Blues

March 12, 2008 at 5:17 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

My life has been pretty Issue free these days which is pretty amazing. I’m not really quite used to it though. My life will be going good for awile and then i’ll find some way to pull the walls down on myself…So i guess my issue is how to deal with the fact that my life is going really good right now and it doenst feel right.

Whats your input on that?

– Jeff in MA



Dear Chief Jeef,

Since you are happy now and enjoying your life, I think it would be a shame to ruin it by analyzing your happiness to the point of ending your happiness. I’m not saying it’s not important to know what choices you’ve made to bring you to this happy point in life, but don’t start worrying about when you’re life will change and you’ll be unhappy again. That will only bring about this unfortunate change, that many people say, never has to exist in the first place. There are tons of spiritual teachers that believe and practice eternal happiness. They believe that we humans are meant to experience nothing but happiness and creativity and that this lifestyle is not only available to us all, but is our right to enjoy. Christ Jesus preached this, as did Buddha, Native American Wise men, and many more enlightened figures.

A good book for you to read would be >

“Living Buddha, Living Christ” or “Being Peace” both by Thich Nhat Han

also read > “Make Your Life Worth While” by Emmet Fox

Hope that helps you out, Chief

Paper Chewing Madness

March 11, 2008 at 10:17 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 2 Comments

Oh Midge, since I was a kid I’ve had a habit of chewing paper, I know I’m gross. Twice this week a co-worker asked me for a piece of gum. I told them I didn’t have any, but it was clear they thought I was lying. I don’t want to look selfish, what should I do? images-1.jpeg___________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Carly from Pasadena, CA, OK so there are a couple of things that you can do. 1. You stop chewing paper. Start smoking instead. No, don’t do that, that would be worse. Just start chewing lint balls or something people won’t think is appetizing and that you can’t actually chew. Or stop chewing paper and don’t replace it with anything. Just get over it.2. You can continue to chew paper and when someone wants some gum, smile and say, “Sorry, I don’t chew gum. I chew paper.” Offer them a piece if you want to. Then go on with whatever you were doing. Who cares what they think and it’s the truth. 3. Go to CVS or wherever you like, and buy some gum. So when people ask, you can say, “Sure! I have some right here. Wow, I could chew this stuff all day!” And then do some type of “go get em’ tiger” gesture with your right arm. They’ll never ask from gum again and they’ll never know you’re little secret. I hope that helps some Carly 

Hans’ Hamburger Helper Help

March 11, 2008 at 10:07 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

I’ve committed to hosting a fancy dinner party, but I’m unable to cook the meal and can’t afford to hire a posh catering service. I need advice on the best way to disguise upscale fast-food like KFC or Boston Market as my own home cooking.  images.jpeg  ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dearest of Hans in Boston,  First, I would go with the Boston Market over the KFC. Fried just screams low class, when roasted chicken and mashed potatoes says, “Grandma made this, or at least she could have.”  So let’s take the chicken out of it’s container and put it on a platter of some sort, (a ceramic one would be great), on top of some lettuce. If you can get big leaves of lettuce, use them. Ok, now go check if you have any carrots in the fridge. Baby carrots will be perfect. All you have to do with these, is boil them in some slightly salted water. When those are done, you’ll just garnish the chicken with them (like little darts of sunshine, if you will).  Alright, now for the potatoes. Whether you got the mashed or baked or some other form, it doesn’t matter. All you need to do is add some parsley flakes and some olive oil. Obviously, fresh parsley would be a better option. Hoping that you got the wondrous biscuits, I suggest you put those in the oven at 350 until they’re warm and maybe a little crunchy on the outside. Use a cutting knife for the chicken, a big spoon for the potatoes, and some goblets for the Coke. You’re practically classier than Paris Hilton now and only spent 15 minutes and minimal cash. Good Luck Hans !!

Ignored in Indiana

March 10, 2008 at 8:35 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

Oh Midge,My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and things have been going good. We have fun with eachother and respect eachother. Problems only seem to come up when we are out with his friends. He kind of ignores me and puts his friends first. I always have to do whatever guy thing they want to do and hardly ever get to talk. What should I do? I like him a lot.

Ignored in Indiana

Dear Ignored in Indiana,

First, I like the name you came up with. I like your style. Secondly, the main problem it seems you and your man are having is one related to a lack of communication. This is almost always the root of every relationship trouble, romantic, friendly, work related, etc. Does he know that you feel this way? If you have told him about the situation and that it hurts you, does he make an effort to stop acting so juvenile? These are important questions.Once you’ve told him how you feel, see how he responds. Most likely, he had no idea what was going on. If he says he’s going to change his behavior, give him the chance to and also expect the best. If you expect that he won’t change and there won’t be a solution to the problem, you’re giving him no chance to improve his behavior. Furthermore, if you continue to hesitate and sit with troubling issues instead of talking about them with him, you’re ending the relationship.If things stay the same and he doesn’t change, I suggest you move on to a man that understands your worth and isn’t afraid that his friends won’t stand by him if he grows up and starts putting his girlfriend first. It’s your right to contribute your opinion and your guy should respect you no matter who’s the company.

Lizard Lost

March 10, 2008 at 2:15 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 2 Comments

Dear Oh Midge,My lizard Kyle has been lost for 4 days. I let him out to play for a bit and then I couldn’t find him. I don’t know where he is but I know hes in my house somewhere. How should I get him to come out? My cat has had to stay in the bathroom because we don’t want her to eat him.Minnesota EricKyle_________________________________________________________

My Dear Eric,
Because lizards are cold blooded, they need to stay relatively warm. So since you’re living in a state that’s pretty cold right now, we need to act fast! Hopefully, there’s no way Kyle can get outside, and that he’s just hiding somewhere in your house right now. Check all the places in your home that are warm. Perhaps behind the stove, refrigerator, and dryer. Check the couch, pillows, and blankets. Also make sure to pick up your room. Lizards love to sleep in bunched up t-shirts and other things like that.
If you’ve checked all of these places, then I think it’s time to let your cat out of the bathroom. You can use your cat as a detective and just follow him or her around. Cat’s have a good sense of smell and if they smell something interesting, like poor Kyle, then they won’t stop until they have found it. Just keep close to your cat so that when they do catch up to Kyle, you can rescue him before the cat does!

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