Salt & Pepper > 2getha Foreva!

April 2, 2008 at 9:46 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge, how did salt and pepper get paired up?

Terry

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Dearest Terry from who knows where because you forgot to put it,

The above image is actually of anal suppositories. It was all I could find.

Anywho, so let’s do a little history lesson shall we? Yes? Yes? Good. Alright so, salt (sodium chloride) is this wonderful compound that is found naturally when in “sea salt” form. We also refine it to a white grain. The “sea salt” version is much better for you and has less sodium in it, in case you have high blood pressure or are just health conscious and want to lesson your sodium intake. But anyway, since salt is found naturally, it has been a commodity throughout the centuries and to many civilizations. It was a form of payment for the Romans, thus giving us the word, “salary”. It also does wonders in your mouth and to food, because it triggers an important part of the taste sensors on the tongue and actually works to regulate our body heat. Sodium is a mineral we need in order to survive. So that’s why we have salt on the table.

Pepper is more of a cultural thing. It originally came from India, (where a lot of spices originate), and found it’s way to Rome in the 1st century BC. Everything cool happened in Rome first. That’s just the truth. Since Pepper isn’t just something you can get if you go to the beach, and has to be grown under the right conditions, it was scarce, and because it was scarce, it became very valuable.

So these two condiments, both extremely valuable, and delicious, began to be used together by the wealthy and privileged. The trend just caught on and now just about anyone can afford to display the pair on their dinner table.

That image wasn’t really of anal ovules, but here’s a nicer image of the love birds for you:

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Origami Classic

April 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge, can you give me instructions on how to fold a cocktail napkin into an origami swan? I think it would be a cool trick to know.

Claude – L.A.

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Dear Claude,

To be honest, for something like this, all I would do is go find it on the internet and then copy it all down here and post it. I don’t feel like doing that though, and I’m sure you’re big enough to be googling stuff, if you’re big enough to have found my site. Here’s a recommended site though:

http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/lab/5466/ori_swan1.html

Live it up Claude!!!!!!!!

Also Claude, I think you should try to do the origami while listening to Sinead O’Connors “I want your hands on me” and pretend that she keeps saying “Origami origami origami, origa, origa, origa, origami” instead of “put them on me”. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.

Cap’n Solo Sorrow

April 2, 2008 at 8:18 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh dearest Oh Midge,
I have quite the stickler for you! Recently, my boyfriend and I decided to do some role playing–he is really into Star Wars so I though we could get some Princess Leia/Hans Solo action going on. Feel me? Ever since that night, my man refuses to acknowledge me if I do not refer to him as Cap’n Solo. Moreover, He will not look at my face unless I have my hair in dual side buns. This really is not my style, it is not me! I was just trying to do something nice for him and now he wants nothing to do with the real me. Plus, since our role playing incident, every time I try to get intimate with him, I catch him secretly watching the Star Wars scene where Jaba the Hut has Princess Leia chained up on mute. HELP ME MIDGE!
Sincerely,
Lost Loathing Leia

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Aww Girl, You got Punk’d,

Well it’s your fault, so I think you should just shut up and start wearing those side buns like you mean it.

Obviously joking. Your boyfriend needs to find a quarter and go buy a life though, seriously. Does he actually think you’re going to wanna play this game forever? I could understand if he joked about it for a week or so after, but to have it become such a reality for him, is really weird. He should invest in one of those virtual games like on South Park, the World of WarCraft, thing or something and be able to have people call him Cap’n Solo all day long and not get sick of it.

Of course, he could already be playing these games. If he is, you need to sit him down and let him know what you think. Don’t be mean about it but be firm. Tell him it’s not reasonable and it can’t go on. If you’re up to it, make a deal where for one day a month, you guys can play Star Wars again or any Harrison Ford movie and you can be whomever he wants. The rest of the month though, you’re Amanda and he better be interested in her too.

If he’s not, he can go find some comic book convention or whatever and find a woman as psycho as he is, who wants to be Leia year round.

Troubled Trent

April 2, 2008 at 7:58 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge,

I’m in my 20’s without major responsibilities, I live a care free life-day to day; but I’m under constant pressure both to stay hip and be aware of the subtleties interpreting how I project my personality and how it reflects on others.

I have a hard time telling when people are being sarcastic. I’ll provide a recent example, the last four times I was asked what my favorite band is I said Blink 182. The responses were universally “oh, that’s wicked cool.”

Part of me likes Blink 182 a lot. I grew up listening to them, the lyrics connect to my life and emotions, but I know they’re trite so I don’t think everyone who responded thinks they’re cool.

This problem recurs in with different prompts all the time. I don’t want to assume what a person thinks of me based on the way they look, I like to expand my social horizons.

Oh Midge, please help me figure out when people are being sarcastic without broadly profiling them.

Trent -Mass

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Trent,

Calm yoself fool. It sounds like you’ve been watching too many episodes of “My So Called Life”. Why the hell did they only have one season?? Lame. It’s a great show, but you have to not turn into the hyper-analytical young adult. It’s not healthy and it doesn’t get you anywhere except to the pharmacy with a script for Zoloft. If you like Blink 182, whatever, you do and that’s the end of it. I doubt people are being sarcastic with you. If they were, they’d make sure you knew it. I think half of your generation, no matter what their high school clique was like, went to the Blink concerts and embraced the whole “I’m a kid and it’s hard and adults don’t understand” thing. It’s a pretty big joke in the first place, and you should embrace that too. Haven’t you noticed that the guys in the band are like 40? I know that was just an example, but I think it works for any situation. It’s all a pretty big joke. Anything people worry about and analyze and freak out about, is usual something minor that no one else is spending that much time thinking about. Don’t waste your time worrying about what other people are thinking about you and your responses and so forth, just keep having that carefree life and deal with stuff that actually matters.

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