SoHo Hobo

December 31, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment

Oh Midge,

I need to save money and stay fabulous. Can you tell me when and what to buy in store brand products without looking like Cinderella.
For example, would it be cheaper to buy separate ingredients instead of pre-made trail mix?
I know i like the fancy chocolates. How could you eat a Hershey bar when there is the possibility of eating Godiva.
And I’d die if I bought Stop&Shop cereal! Those cartoons on their boxes are hideous.
But I need to make some serious cuts before my credit card gets declined buying milk and I’m eating cereal with water!

I have a Neiman Marcus credit card. Wouldn’t it be rude to use it at Marshalls?


– SoHo hobo desperate to remain enVogue

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genericDear SoHo Hobo,

As a kid,  I often wondered whether there was a real difference between the branded products and the generic. While my friends were cool and hip with their Jell-O snacks and Adidas Sambas, I had to wear the Bradlees brand sneaker and bring Shaws brand pudding for lunch because my Mum refused to buy the more expensive alternatives.  When my friends came over and wanted something like Goldfish to eat, I could offer them the Job Lot alternative, “Whales”. Check out the photo. They weren’t that cool…whalesvgoldfish3

Anyway, I feel your pain. The truth is, the generic vs. brand product is all about advertising and money. Most of the time, there is absolutely no difference in quality between a generic product and the more popular and “cool”brand product. Oftentimes, they are even manufactured at the same facility, which means the true difference comes down to which company has more money to advertise their product. For instance, Goldifsh has the money to advertise and so their product may seem cooler but it will also be more expensive in order to pay for those ads. Get it?

When it comes down to it, brands don’t make you cool and fabulous. Your attitude is what makes you fabulous. You could serve a wonderful dinner, using only generic brand products and no one would know the difference as long as you presented it in a confident way.

Don’t be a consumer whore with no sense. Don’t waste money on some companies advertising and their “better” graphics.  To be a little generic myself, “the box doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside.”

Sure, Godiva chocolates probably are a lot nicer than Hershey’s and that’s an actual difference between the ingredients. It’s OK to splurge once in a while and get the more expensive thing, but don’t do it when you’re buying the same exact product and paying more just for a name.

Oh, and and yeah, go ahead and make you own trail mix and use your Neiman Marcus card at Marshalls. No one cares. The clothes will be pretty much the same, just maybe a season late. No big deal if you can carry yourself like the SoHo Social you are and not the brainwashed bum you used to be!

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Fraggle Rock

December 31, 2008 at 9:03 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment
Oh Midge

Oh Midge

Oh Midge,

I want to be into the discordant and energized underground music scene. Yeah, I know Green Day, The Offspring and Blink-182, but I don’t know where to hear bands that aren’t on the radio or MTV. You seem pretty cool. Do you know about sub-stream punk rock bands so I can here some new tunes. I have 2,000 songs on my iPod and I can’t stand listening to any of them. Oh Midge, where can I find some new jams to kick with?

-Douglas From Dallas

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Hey Douglas,

Yeah, you’re right. I am really cool and hip and happening and I can help you out with this little problemo with out even looking. I’m even going to hold my breath this whole time while I’m answering you. Believe it.

K, so first, you need to get used to saying you listen to “indie” music. That’s totally “rad” and it refers to independently produced or distributed bands. About your lame-O iPod, you need to clear it out and start fresh with some new stuff you can check out from the following sites:

www.pitchforkmedia.com > Really pretentious over-educated white guys with glasses give daily reviews on college and indie bands.

www.brainwashed.com > More experimental and esoteric, less “indie” rock. Same geeky guy types run the site but they have a weekly podcast.

www.thewire.co.uk > Also a magazine out of England that focuses on all music in the category of experimental.

For a list of fifty new bands you can listen go to: pitchfork. They are the top 50 albums of 2008 for indie rock, non-mainstream madness.

Have fun, Douglas!

Mackin’ in Macy’s

December 17, 2008 at 9:40 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Dear Oh Midge,

Should I feel awkward asking out girls who work at retail stores? They’re working and I know that it’s not really appropriate, but I don’t go to bars.  Women working retail, are the only ones I ever meet.

To add to the question, if I do ask women out at retail stores, is it better to ask them out right away, or should I keep going in and keep talking to them and then ask them out?

Andy from N.H. Retail Victim ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Andy,

First let me say that you sound like a complete freak show. You are aware of this right? You are essentially asking whether it’s ok to sexually harass women at the work-place and then following that question up with asking whether it’s better to stalk them first, and then harass them. You sound like you need a stern beating, my friend.

With that said, I’m going to approach this thinking that you aren’t actually a socio-psycho and that you simply have some insecurities when it comes to women. That’s a common issue a lot of men deal with, and you can too. The weird thing about this whole scenario is that instead of following the normal protocol and staying in your bedroom playing video games all day every day, you assumedly go to the mall and shop. That’s a little weird, Andy. What’s going on with that? Could you maybe be gay? If that’s what you’re struggling with, get over it. If somebody actually gives a damn these days about your sexual preference, they are probably gay themselves. It’s not a big deal. Get out of that dressing room (closet), and be proud! I know it might be tough up there in New Hampshire, but live free or die, right?

Back to your question without assuming you are homosexual and/or a serial killer, I’m going to have to say NO. It’s not cool to ask women out at retail stores. It would be totally fine if you and some girl had huge chemistry and you could tell she was interested, but I’m sorry to say that you don’t seem like a suave dude. I’m going to go ahead and give an even bigger NO to your follow up question about whether you should keep returning and talking to the girls before you ask them out. Any girl with dignity would think you were a total mess, and never go near you without a mall security guard at her side. The reason they are being nice to you in the store, is because they are selling you things. They need to be nice in order for you to buy their merchandise! Get a freakin’ grip, Andrew!

Start drinking and start going to bars. Don’t be so damn insecure and desperate. You’ll figure it out soon enough, but it would be better if you didn’t have to figure it out in a jail cell. Yeah?

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