Media Madness

January 28, 2009 at 5:26 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment


I know people have always said DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON TV, but what about reality tv shows and the news? They are real life, right? Wouldn’t it be against the law for them to say they are real and then not be?

– Oblivious in Oregon

images1 images-1


Dear Oblivious,

Everything you watch on TV, whether it’s a cartoon or the 7 o’clock news, gets paid through advertisements in between the segments of the show. They need people to be fixated on watching their show over another show so they try to make it really interesting. It doesn’t matter if it’s a reality show or the news. Both skew real life to fit into their thirty minute time slot. Whether it’s through editing camera shots to tell a more exciting story or it’s by completely making up “facts” on the news, they are both completely guilty of the offenses. Nothing you see on TV is the actual, true life, truth of the matter.

The same exaggeration that is used in the media on TV, goes for newspaper reports and online news. Journalists were once people grounded in truth and on the search for truth. Sadly today, these morals have given way to competition within the media on which paper or show or website gets the higher audience. If you take one story line that actually happened ie, “House on fire, three children and mother escape,” within minutes of the media “reporting” on this, the story easily becomes, “Mother sets house aflame, saves children, let’s husband burn.” The former story line is going to have more people reading the article, while the true to life story will have far less. The news won’t be chastized, and more papers will use this exaggerated line as just a base for what they’re going to write. It’s like that children’s game, “Telephone”.

It’s a tragedy when the public is refused the opportunity to get pure, honest news and instead is supplied with complete lies and political propoganda to fuel hate, drama, and ultimately, the same media business that created it.


Oodles of Noodles of Nonsense

January 21, 2009 at 2:44 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

Oh, Midge: ramen

Whats the deal with “Oodles of Noodles?” You know, those Ramen noodles that come in a few different, but all slightly disgusting flavors like oriental or the classic chicken. They only take 3 minutes to cook, once you boil the water of course, and the only time they taste good is when you’re drunk. Why in the world does everyone call them “oodles of noodles?” No where on the package does it say the word oodle, if that is even a word. There are an insane amount of noodles in that package, but how did the name become so well known? You can even google the term and it comes up. If google knows, everyone knows.

Al’s Sister


Dear Al’s Sister,

250px-oodles1First, let me say that I think the people that actually say the phrase, “Oodles of Noodles”, need to be slapped quick. It’s a terrible phrase and it’s completely nonsensical and lame.

However, it seems that the origins of Oodles of Noodles truly is quite the oodle of a question. There are now companies and restaurants called “Oodles of Noodles” but they are just gliding on the name given to Ramen noodles years ago by twisted fools. There is a whole long history to all of this nonsense. First,  the term, ramen, is actually the Japanese word referring to a noodle dish that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork, dried seaweed, green onions, and even corn. In the U.S., we know the name ramen mostly because a company took it as their brand name.

About the fact that these instant carbs are the perfect cure for a drunken soul: Indeed my friend. They suck up the alcohol much like how they suck up the hot water they sit in. They’re like sponges and for that reason, probably not very good for you in large quanitites.

Onto Oodles…

Oodles is now the name of a classifieds company online. It’s very similar to Craigslist, just a littler more hip looking. You can check out this Uncyclopedia page for more info and history into the word or unword:

Al’s Sister, I think we may want to leave it at that. It might be nicer kept as a mystery and honestly, I’m not sure anyone knows the whole truth about the whole oodle doodle deal.


Clueless Couch Potato

January 8, 2009 at 5:15 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge,

I’ve been thinking about buying an HDTV, but I can’t figure out which brand to buy.  Should I get LCD or plasma? Should I spend $800 or $2000? Should it be 1080p or 1080i?

This is complicated stuff and the people who work at Best Buy are creeps, they don’t listen to anything you say.

I just want the picture to look good when I watch Batman and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and video games.

Also, PS3 has blu-ray built in and it only costs like 400 bucks so why do other blu-ray players cost 600 bucks?

Oh midge, once I buy this junk I’m going to have it for five to seven years right, so what kind of gear will I love to live with?

Clueless Couch Potato


plasmavlcd Dear C.C.P.

This question deserves some research. It seems that people “in the know” say that both are great and for different reasons. The picture to left shows an LCD screen in blue vs. a PLASMA screen in red. Here are some websites that you may find helpful on the subject:

How much money you want to spend is really up to you. I’m sure in the end, once you’ve figured out whether you want the PLASMA OR LCD and whether you want the (i) or the (p), the price difference comes down to size of the screen and what store you’re buying at. I found a great LCD television at Target for a cheap price. It all depends, where you want to shop.

Now, on the subject of 1080i vs. 1080p, it looks like there are major similarities and differences. It comes down to semantics, actually. 1080i and 1080p are both High Definition display formats for HDTVs. 1080i and 1080p signals actually contain the same information. Both 1080i and 1080p represent a 1920×1080 pixel resolution (1,920 pixels across the screen by 1,080 pixels down the screen). The difference between 1080i and 1080p is in the way the signal is sent from a source component or displayed on an HDTV screen. For more on this topic, check out the following site:

The deal with PS3 being cheaper than the regular BLU RAY player all comes down to consumer demographics. PS3 is a video game operator so they can’t expect parents to be buying their kids, (the biggest video game demographic), a video game thing that costs just short of a grand. I think that if you have a PS3, stick to what you have and don’t worry about getting a solo BLU-RAY player. If you don’t already have the PS3, then you should take into consideration that PS3 is not going to put the same quality BLU-RAY-ness into their product as a device used and sold solely for people who want a BLU-RAY player. Ya heard?

SoHo Hobo

December 31, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment

Oh Midge,

I need to save money and stay fabulous. Can you tell me when and what to buy in store brand products without looking like Cinderella.
For example, would it be cheaper to buy separate ingredients instead of pre-made trail mix?
I know i like the fancy chocolates. How could you eat a Hershey bar when there is the possibility of eating Godiva.
And I’d die if I bought Stop&Shop cereal! Those cartoons on their boxes are hideous.
But I need to make some serious cuts before my credit card gets declined buying milk and I’m eating cereal with water!

I have a Neiman Marcus credit card. Wouldn’t it be rude to use it at Marshalls?

– SoHo hobo desperate to remain enVogue


genericDear SoHo Hobo,

As a kid,  I often wondered whether there was a real difference between the branded products and the generic. While my friends were cool and hip with their Jell-O snacks and Adidas Sambas, I had to wear the Bradlees brand sneaker and bring Shaws brand pudding for lunch because my Mum refused to buy the more expensive alternatives.  When my friends came over and wanted something like Goldfish to eat, I could offer them the Job Lot alternative, “Whales”. Check out the photo. They weren’t that cool…whalesvgoldfish3

Anyway, I feel your pain. The truth is, the generic vs. brand product is all about advertising and money. Most of the time, there is absolutely no difference in quality between a generic product and the more popular and “cool”brand product. Oftentimes, they are even manufactured at the same facility, which means the true difference comes down to which company has more money to advertise their product. For instance, Goldifsh has the money to advertise and so their product may seem cooler but it will also be more expensive in order to pay for those ads. Get it?

When it comes down to it, brands don’t make you cool and fabulous. Your attitude is what makes you fabulous. You could serve a wonderful dinner, using only generic brand products and no one would know the difference as long as you presented it in a confident way.

Don’t be a consumer whore with no sense. Don’t waste money on some companies advertising and their “better” graphics.  To be a little generic myself, “the box doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside.”

Sure, Godiva chocolates probably are a lot nicer than Hershey’s and that’s an actual difference between the ingredients. It’s OK to splurge once in a while and get the more expensive thing, but don’t do it when you’re buying the same exact product and paying more just for a name.

Oh, and and yeah, go ahead and make you own trail mix and use your Neiman Marcus card at Marshalls. No one cares. The clothes will be pretty much the same, just maybe a season late. No big deal if you can carry yourself like the SoHo Social you are and not the brainwashed bum you used to be!

Fraggle Rock

December 31, 2008 at 9:03 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment
Oh Midge

Oh Midge

Oh Midge,

I want to be into the discordant and energized underground music scene. Yeah, I know Green Day, The Offspring and Blink-182, but I don’t know where to hear bands that aren’t on the radio or MTV. You seem pretty cool. Do you know about sub-stream punk rock bands so I can here some new tunes. I have 2,000 songs on my iPod and I can’t stand listening to any of them. Oh Midge, where can I find some new jams to kick with?

-Douglas From Dallas


Hey Douglas,

Yeah, you’re right. I am really cool and hip and happening and I can help you out with this little problemo with out even looking. I’m even going to hold my breath this whole time while I’m answering you. Believe it.

K, so first, you need to get used to saying you listen to “indie” music. That’s totally “rad” and it refers to independently produced or distributed bands. About your lame-O iPod, you need to clear it out and start fresh with some new stuff you can check out from the following sites: > Really pretentious over-educated white guys with glasses give daily reviews on college and indie bands. > More experimental and esoteric, less “indie” rock. Same geeky guy types run the site but they have a weekly podcast. > Also a magazine out of England that focuses on all music in the category of experimental.

For a list of fifty new bands you can listen go to: pitchfork. They are the top 50 albums of 2008 for indie rock, non-mainstream madness.

Have fun, Douglas!

Mackin’ in Macy’s

December 17, 2008 at 9:40 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Dear Oh Midge,

Should I feel awkward asking out girls who work at retail stores? They’re working and I know that it’s not really appropriate, but I don’t go to bars.  Women working retail, are the only ones I ever meet.

To add to the question, if I do ask women out at retail stores, is it better to ask them out right away, or should I keep going in and keep talking to them and then ask them out?

Andy from N.H. Retail Victim ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Andy,

First let me say that you sound like a complete freak show. You are aware of this right? You are essentially asking whether it’s ok to sexually harass women at the work-place and then following that question up with asking whether it’s better to stalk them first, and then harass them. You sound like you need a stern beating, my friend.

With that said, I’m going to approach this thinking that you aren’t actually a socio-psycho and that you simply have some insecurities when it comes to women. That’s a common issue a lot of men deal with, and you can too. The weird thing about this whole scenario is that instead of following the normal protocol and staying in your bedroom playing video games all day every day, you assumedly go to the mall and shop. That’s a little weird, Andy. What’s going on with that? Could you maybe be gay? If that’s what you’re struggling with, get over it. If somebody actually gives a damn these days about your sexual preference, they are probably gay themselves. It’s not a big deal. Get out of that dressing room (closet), and be proud! I know it might be tough up there in New Hampshire, but live free or die, right?

Back to your question without assuming you are homosexual and/or a serial killer, I’m going to have to say NO. It’s not cool to ask women out at retail stores. It would be totally fine if you and some girl had huge chemistry and you could tell she was interested, but I’m sorry to say that you don’t seem like a suave dude. I’m going to go ahead and give an even bigger NO to your follow up question about whether you should keep returning and talking to the girls before you ask them out. Any girl with dignity would think you were a total mess, and never go near you without a mall security guard at her side. The reason they are being nice to you in the store, is because they are selling you things. They need to be nice in order for you to buy their merchandise! Get a freakin’ grip, Andrew!

Start drinking and start going to bars. Don’t be so damn insecure and desperate. You’ll figure it out soon enough, but it would be better if you didn’t have to figure it out in a jail cell. Yeah?

Salt & Pepper > 2getha Foreva!

April 2, 2008 at 9:46 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge, how did salt and pepper get paired up?




Dearest Terry from who knows where because you forgot to put it,

The above image is actually of anal suppositories. It was all I could find.

Anywho, so let’s do a little history lesson shall we? Yes? Yes? Good. Alright so, salt (sodium chloride) is this wonderful compound that is found naturally when in “sea salt” form. We also refine it to a white grain. The “sea salt” version is much better for you and has less sodium in it, in case you have high blood pressure or are just health conscious and want to lesson your sodium intake. But anyway, since salt is found naturally, it has been a commodity throughout the centuries and to many civilizations. It was a form of payment for the Romans, thus giving us the word, “salary”. It also does wonders in your mouth and to food, because it triggers an important part of the taste sensors on the tongue and actually works to regulate our body heat. Sodium is a mineral we need in order to survive. So that’s why we have salt on the table.

Pepper is more of a cultural thing. It originally came from India, (where a lot of spices originate), and found it’s way to Rome in the 1st century BC. Everything cool happened in Rome first. That’s just the truth. Since Pepper isn’t just something you can get if you go to the beach, and has to be grown under the right conditions, it was scarce, and because it was scarce, it became very valuable.

So these two condiments, both extremely valuable, and delicious, began to be used together by the wealthy and privileged. The trend just caught on and now just about anyone can afford to display the pair on their dinner table.

That image wasn’t really of anal ovules, but here’s a nicer image of the love birds for you:


Origami Classic

April 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge, can you give me instructions on how to fold a cocktail napkin into an origami swan? I think it would be a cool trick to know.

Claude – L.A.



Dear Claude,

To be honest, for something like this, all I would do is go find it on the internet and then copy it all down here and post it. I don’t feel like doing that though, and I’m sure you’re big enough to be googling stuff, if you’re big enough to have found my site. Here’s a recommended site though:

Live it up Claude!!!!!!!!

Also Claude, I think you should try to do the origami while listening to Sinead O’Connors “I want your hands on me” and pretend that she keeps saying “Origami origami origami, origa, origa, origa, origami” instead of “put them on me”. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.

Cap’n Solo Sorrow

April 2, 2008 at 8:18 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh dearest Oh Midge,
I have quite the stickler for you! Recently, my boyfriend and I decided to do some role playing–he is really into Star Wars so I though we could get some Princess Leia/Hans Solo action going on. Feel me? Ever since that night, my man refuses to acknowledge me if I do not refer to him as Cap’n Solo. Moreover, He will not look at my face unless I have my hair in dual side buns. This really is not my style, it is not me! I was just trying to do something nice for him and now he wants nothing to do with the real me. Plus, since our role playing incident, every time I try to get intimate with him, I catch him secretly watching the Star Wars scene where Jaba the Hut has Princess Leia chained up on mute. HELP ME MIDGE!
Lost Loathing Leia



Aww Girl, You got Punk’d,

Well it’s your fault, so I think you should just shut up and start wearing those side buns like you mean it.

Obviously joking. Your boyfriend needs to find a quarter and go buy a life though, seriously. Does he actually think you’re going to wanna play this game forever? I could understand if he joked about it for a week or so after, but to have it become such a reality for him, is really weird. He should invest in one of those virtual games like on South Park, the World of WarCraft, thing or something and be able to have people call him Cap’n Solo all day long and not get sick of it.

Of course, he could already be playing these games. If he is, you need to sit him down and let him know what you think. Don’t be mean about it but be firm. Tell him it’s not reasonable and it can’t go on. If you’re up to it, make a deal where for one day a month, you guys can play Star Wars again or any Harrison Ford movie and you can be whomever he wants. The rest of the month though, you’re Amanda and he better be interested in her too.

If he’s not, he can go find some comic book convention or whatever and find a woman as psycho as he is, who wants to be Leia year round.

Troubled Trent

April 2, 2008 at 7:58 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

Oh Midge,

I’m in my 20’s without major responsibilities, I live a care free life-day to day; but I’m under constant pressure both to stay hip and be aware of the subtleties interpreting how I project my personality and how it reflects on others.

I have a hard time telling when people are being sarcastic. I’ll provide a recent example, the last four times I was asked what my favorite band is I said Blink 182. The responses were universally “oh, that’s wicked cool.”

Part of me likes Blink 182 a lot. I grew up listening to them, the lyrics connect to my life and emotions, but I know they’re trite so I don’t think everyone who responded thinks they’re cool.

This problem recurs in with different prompts all the time. I don’t want to assume what a person thinks of me based on the way they look, I like to expand my social horizons.

Oh Midge, please help me figure out when people are being sarcastic without broadly profiling them.

Trent -Mass




Calm yoself fool. It sounds like you’ve been watching too many episodes of “My So Called Life”. Why the hell did they only have one season?? Lame. It’s a great show, but you have to not turn into the hyper-analytical young adult. It’s not healthy and it doesn’t get you anywhere except to the pharmacy with a script for Zoloft. If you like Blink 182, whatever, you do and that’s the end of it. I doubt people are being sarcastic with you. If they were, they’d make sure you knew it. I think half of your generation, no matter what their high school clique was like, went to the Blink concerts and embraced the whole “I’m a kid and it’s hard and adults don’t understand” thing. It’s a pretty big joke in the first place, and you should embrace that too. Haven’t you noticed that the guys in the band are like 40? I know that was just an example, but I think it works for any situation. It’s all a pretty big joke. Anything people worry about and analyze and freak out about, is usual something minor that no one else is spending that much time thinking about. Don’t waste your time worrying about what other people are thinking about you and your responses and so forth, just keep having that carefree life and deal with stuff that actually matters.

Nerd Race

March 16, 2008 at 3:09 am | Posted in OhMidge Advice | Leave a comment

OhMidge, could SuperMan outrun The Flash?

-Comic Book Fan, Florida



Dear Comic Book Fan,

The Flash VS Superman question presents an interesting dilemma, although realistically the answer is that Flash is the fastest. Technically speaking, the Flash can break the speed of light, and when he does so develops an aura to keep a sonic-boom from occurring. Superman is usually portrayed as being limited to the speed of sound, but even if Superman could develop light speed, he would not be able to suppress the environmental impact. Over the years and rebooting of both characters, their strengths and weaknesses have ebbed and flowed according to sales and trends in popular culture. They have raced in the comics at least six times, beginning in 1967, but every outcome has either been a tie, or the Flash has won by a small margin. There is a reprint of those issues, which can be found here:

Of more interest is how this question makes me consider the value of esoteric information in our internet savvy age. Prior to the internet, this type of trivia was characteristically limited to a specific type of person, a sort of archivist who had usually spent much of his (or occasionally her) life questioning such matters and then researching them by either seeking out the individual comic books, or discussing them in depth with peers. As a result it created a rarity for this type of information to those who either “did the footwork,” or “had the connections.” Ironically, the type of people who compiled this esoteric information often conceived themselves as feeling empowered through this limitation. The access they had achieved, led to a type of super-power, which kept them above “mere mortal” status, even if they never had real girlfriends or social lives. Of course all of this eventually led to the image of the clichéd power-tripping nerd as portrayed by the Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons.

So the real question is, where does it end? What happens once this type of information is widely available. Most people I know have just dug themselves in deeper, finding even more obscure pockets of esoterica to shield themselves within- areas which only the “chosen few” will bother to Google. Now the club is not limited to “who knows the answer“ so much as “who bothers to ask the question?” The real question in the end is, Who Watches the Watchmen?

Chasin’ the Blues

March 12, 2008 at 5:17 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

My life has been pretty Issue free these days which is pretty amazing. I’m not really quite used to it though. My life will be going good for awile and then i’ll find some way to pull the walls down on myself…So i guess my issue is how to deal with the fact that my life is going really good right now and it doenst feel right.

Whats your input on that?

– Jeff in MA



Dear Chief Jeef,

Since you are happy now and enjoying your life, I think it would be a shame to ruin it by analyzing your happiness to the point of ending your happiness. I’m not saying it’s not important to know what choices you’ve made to bring you to this happy point in life, but don’t start worrying about when you’re life will change and you’ll be unhappy again. That will only bring about this unfortunate change, that many people say, never has to exist in the first place. There are tons of spiritual teachers that believe and practice eternal happiness. They believe that we humans are meant to experience nothing but happiness and creativity and that this lifestyle is not only available to us all, but is our right to enjoy. Christ Jesus preached this, as did Buddha, Native American Wise men, and many more enlightened figures.

A good book for you to read would be >

“Living Buddha, Living Christ” or “Being Peace” both by Thich Nhat Han

also read > “Make Your Life Worth While” by Emmet Fox

Hope that helps you out, Chief

Paper Chewing Madness

March 11, 2008 at 10:17 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 2 Comments

Oh Midge, since I was a kid I’ve had a habit of chewing paper, I know I’m gross. Twice this week a co-worker asked me for a piece of gum. I told them I didn’t have any, but it was clear they thought I was lying. I don’t want to look selfish, what should I do? images-1.jpeg___________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Carly from Pasadena, CA, OK so there are a couple of things that you can do. 1. You stop chewing paper. Start smoking instead. No, don’t do that, that would be worse. Just start chewing lint balls or something people won’t think is appetizing and that you can’t actually chew. Or stop chewing paper and don’t replace it with anything. Just get over it.2. You can continue to chew paper and when someone wants some gum, smile and say, “Sorry, I don’t chew gum. I chew paper.” Offer them a piece if you want to. Then go on with whatever you were doing. Who cares what they think and it’s the truth. 3. Go to CVS or wherever you like, and buy some gum. So when people ask, you can say, “Sure! I have some right here. Wow, I could chew this stuff all day!” And then do some type of “go get em’ tiger” gesture with your right arm. They’ll never ask from gum again and they’ll never know you’re little secret. I hope that helps some Carly 

Hans’ Hamburger Helper Help

March 11, 2008 at 10:07 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

I’ve committed to hosting a fancy dinner party, but I’m unable to cook the meal and can’t afford to hire a posh catering service. I need advice on the best way to disguise upscale fast-food like KFC or Boston Market as my own home cooking.  images.jpeg  ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dearest of Hans in Boston,  First, I would go with the Boston Market over the KFC. Fried just screams low class, when roasted chicken and mashed potatoes says, “Grandma made this, or at least she could have.”  So let’s take the chicken out of it’s container and put it on a platter of some sort, (a ceramic one would be great), on top of some lettuce. If you can get big leaves of lettuce, use them. Ok, now go check if you have any carrots in the fridge. Baby carrots will be perfect. All you have to do with these, is boil them in some slightly salted water. When those are done, you’ll just garnish the chicken with them (like little darts of sunshine, if you will).  Alright, now for the potatoes. Whether you got the mashed or baked or some other form, it doesn’t matter. All you need to do is add some parsley flakes and some olive oil. Obviously, fresh parsley would be a better option. Hoping that you got the wondrous biscuits, I suggest you put those in the oven at 350 until they’re warm and maybe a little crunchy on the outside. Use a cutting knife for the chicken, a big spoon for the potatoes, and some goblets for the Coke. You’re practically classier than Paris Hilton now and only spent 15 minutes and minimal cash. Good Luck Hans !!

Ignored in Indiana

March 10, 2008 at 8:35 pm | Posted in OhMidge Advice | 1 Comment

Oh Midge,My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and things have been going good. We have fun with eachother and respect eachother. Problems only seem to come up when we are out with his friends. He kind of ignores me and puts his friends first. I always have to do whatever guy thing they want to do and hardly ever get to talk. What should I do? I like him a lot.

Ignored in Indiana

Dear Ignored in Indiana,

First, I like the name you came up with. I like your style. Secondly, the main problem it seems you and your man are having is one related to a lack of communication. This is almost always the root of every relationship trouble, romantic, friendly, work related, etc. Does he know that you feel this way? If you have told him about the situation and that it hurts you, does he make an effort to stop acting so juvenile? These are important questions.Once you’ve told him how you feel, see how he responds. Most likely, he had no idea what was going on. If he says he’s going to change his behavior, give him the chance to and also expect the best. If you expect that he won’t change and there won’t be a solution to the problem, you’re giving him no chance to improve his behavior. Furthermore, if you continue to hesitate and sit with troubling issues instead of talking about them with him, you’re ending the relationship.If things stay the same and he doesn’t change, I suggest you move on to a man that understands your worth and isn’t afraid that his friends won’t stand by him if he grows up and starts putting his girlfriend first. It’s your right to contribute your opinion and your guy should respect you no matter who’s the company.

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